So right now, Client Company X is a large, American, software/services/ISP corporation which has provided free coasters to many a household for years. Their clientele tends to be what my workmate gently describes as ‘naïve’. These are not power users. These are bingo daubing, scrapbook making old dears who have been given a POS ‘computer’ which would be more useful as a paperweight and they want to be able to research discount cruises and exchange shocking invective and sparkle graphics with other helmet-haired mall cruisers on pomeranian discussion boards. They don’t know or care how their computers work, computers are magic boxes that plug into the wall. They don’t know or care how the internet works, it is a series of tubes which may or may not become plugged by too many cat macros.

So these clients are given a toll free number to call which starts out with our recognition system. This particular system is what is basically a ‘black box’ - the caller is not given a limited set of things that they can ask for, they’re supposed to be able state the nature of their problem any way they want and, in theory, they are routed to something resembling the correct department. As I’m sure you may be able to imagine, this works best if the calls are in regard to a limited set of problems, and, of course, if the callers have a vague clue as to what the fuck they are talking about. Needless to say, neither is the case with this particular set of callers. And as a result the calls tend to range from hilarity to incoherence to complete incomprehensibility. Which makes them difficult if not completely impossible to categorise with any hope of accuracy. I’ve been doing this all month. Deadline looms, so all weekend. Someone was stealing the fucking covers all night last night so I’m sleep deprived and entering the realm of hysteria.

Anyway, all this to introduce my current favourite caller utterance of all time:

‘My page is in Latino, and I’m not Latino, I can’t read I’m American.’

(and how was that for a real, proper ‘blog post’, boys and girls? Don’t get too used to it)

In other news, I have successfully moved, it was the most painless move ever thanks to all the help from some truly extraordinary friends. The whole thing took less than 2 hours from beginning to end, and that wasn’t even really trying to rush it. Thanks again to everyone for their support!

In sadder/wierder news, things are getting very dramatic over in IAM land, there’s a lot of strange stuff happening that I don’t understand wrt the administration. So who knows how much longer I’ll be maintaining my page there. Too bad.

Once upon a time there was a cat named Lucie. I first met her sometime in the mid to late autumn of 2003, when she was just a tiny kitten. She was very bright and inquisitive, and very affectionate, a little bundle of shiny black fur, green eyes, and tiny needle-sharp claws. It was love at first sight. I spoilt her dreadfully I suppose - I bought the best food, toys and litter I could find - but it didn’t seem to affect her disposition adversely, she remained playful and affectionate throughout. When she was almost grown up it was springtime, and when the other cats went outside it was difficult to stop her from doing so. And she loved it so much I would not have had the heart to stop her even if I could. And she loved it outside. She played even more if possible and was still just as affectionate.

One night at around this time of year in 2004, Lucie did not come home. We were very worried and looked for her and called her but she did not come, so eventually we went to bed and slept a troubled sleep. In the morning I found her. She had been hit by a car sometime that night or early that morning. Someone had picked her up and put her in a box by the side of the road. By the look of the injuries I don’t think she could have suffered long, she must have died almost instantly. I didn’t go into work that day.

I have not had a cat again since then. I would like to, but it will happen when it’s meant to.

I still miss her

a picture from the Diary of a Lost Circus show I did on Thursday, June 7th for the opening night of the 2007 Montreal Fringe festival. Photo is by Susan Moss.

*from the American Heritage Dictionary